Raya/Eid

Raya/Eid 2009

I shall say for me, it's a bit dull since 2 of my granny just passed away in 2009. So, the emptiness still there. So, we when to visit the grave yard in the morning and recite Yassin. Went back home and sleep. [bad huh?!] Seriously, it's damn tired due to some reasons that i'm insomnia plus it's really hot that day.

In the evening, the whole big family, as in BIG FAMILY went to my uncle house and just an adat, just chit-chatting. With all the ladies [including mummies] talking gossip, while men talking politics and stuff. See, the difference between men and women. Then finally convoy to my house to get ready for my brother's engagement present which need to be done and decorated.

As usual, when all my aunties and cousins doing all the decoration part, it always include a package of gossip and some pervert jokes. [ yeah, that happens in my big family,and it doesn't care where are we.] laugh..laugh..and laugh! LOL.

2nd day of Eid still boring, but still cheerful with all the cousins' around. Blast of laugh everywhere and jokes. Till midnight, we all still laughing like crazy.

3rd day - my brother's engagement day. Happening. we convoyed from Ipoh to Penang with 9 cars. The ceremony was huge and the family were friendly and warm. Done about 2pm. Next, we headed to Ferringhi and Gurney. wanted to lepak at Gurney drive,but unfortunately no parking and yet the parking were far away from Gurney Plaza. Went to Gurney just for a while, you know, window shopping. Before we headed back to Ipoh, had our hi-tea in Kapitan Restaurant for tea and then straight away headed to Ipoh.

That's what happen for my Eid in 3 days. And, suddenly i forgot that Gossip Girl S03E02 had been released, so straight away i download and luckily the internet was ok. One more before i'm off, duit raya, intresting ryte, when i'm older as in 20 years old, the amount is more and i wish my age will be 20 forever so that i'll still receive the money. HEHE. The condition where i will not be receiving duit raya is when i'm no longer a student or in other word when i've started to work. SO, i DON'T wanna work!!!!

and that's it. Raya/Eid.

2nd June and 20th July

my Tok Mak

my Tok

Last month i was shocked by the news, my Tok Mak passed away and now,on 20th July, my beloved Tok just passed away and i'm here in India staying alone and couldn't have the chance to kiss her, to hug her, to look at her, to take care of her, to accompany her in the hospital, to held her for the last time.

This year wouldn't be the same as last year.

Last year I celebrated my raya with both of my grandma alive, but this year i won't be the same.

Both of my grandma already gone to meet Allah ,The most Gracious.

Everyday i sat and pray that may Allah give her the strenght to stay a bit longer until i could see her for the last time, but Allah loves her more. My mum is worried that i may not concerntrate of my exam by the new and planning to keep it until my exams are over. Luckily today and tomorrow i don't have exam and i got the news from my brother.

Tok, even though i couldn't have the chance to take care of you, i couldn't hug you, i couldn't kiss yuo, i couldn't stay with you in the hospital, i couldn't see you for the final time, but deep in my heart i always love and going to miss you alot Tok. May Allah put Tok and Tok Mak among the Soleh and Solelah.

Ameen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY

Happy Birthday to My Dad

it's 12th June.

and also Happy Father's Day~

al-fatihah

last tuesday,
when i was in the lab,
i received a phone call from my brother telling me that my Tok Mak had return to meet Allah.
i was in shock and i couldn't control more and straight away i cried.
Luckily i was able to meet arwah before she's gone.
looking back at the photo reminds me of everything that she'd done to me.
i'm sad that she's gone and i was not there to kiss her for the last time.
May her body rest in peace and placed among the soleh and solehah.
al-fatihah.

Everyday is a Mother's Day 2

this article i borrowed it from one auntie thru her blog. I post because i think this article touches my heart. First week of May is the Mother's Day..but i shall put everyday is a Mother's Day. I f you read this mum, i want you to know that my love for you is eternally and i know sometime i take you as granted and i'm sorry for that. happy Mother's Day Mum!

Orang kata aku lahir dari perut mak

bukan org kata...memang betul

Bila dahaga, yang susukan aku....mak

Bila lapar, yang suapkan aku....mak

Bila keseorangan, yang sentiasa di sampingku.. ..mak

Kata mak, perkataan pertama yang aku sebut....Mak

Bila bangun tidur, aku cari....mak

Bila nangis, orang pertama yang datang ....mak

Bila nak bermanja, aku dekati....mak

Bila nak bergesel, aku duduk sebelah....mak

Bila sedih, yang boleh memujukku hanya....mak

Bila nakal, yang memarahi aku....mak

Bila merajuk, yang memujukku cuma...mak

Bila melakukan kesalahan, yang paling cepat marah....mak

Bila takut, yang tenangkan aku....mak

Bila nak peluk, yang aku suka peluk....mak

Aku selalu teringatkan ....mak

Bila sedih, aku mesti talipon....mak

Bila seronok, orang pertama aku nak beritahu.....mak

Bila bengang.. aku suka luah pada..mak

Bila takut, aku selalu panggil... mmaaakkkk!

Bila sakit, orang paling risau adalah....mak

Bila nak exam, orang paling sibuk juga....mak

Bila buat hal, yang marah aku dulu....mak

Bila ada masalah, yang paling risau....mak

Yang masih peluk dan cium aku sampai hari ni..mak

Yang selalu masak makanan kegemaranku....mak

kalau balik ke kampung, yang selalu bekalkan ulam & laukpauk.....mak

Yang selalu simpan dan kemaskan barang-barang aku....mak

Yang selalu berleter kat aku...mak

Yang selalu puji aku....mak

Yang selalu nasihat aku....mak

Bila nak kahwin..Orang pertama aku tunjuk dan rujuk.....mak

Aku ada pasangan hidup sendiri....

Bila seronok, aku cari.......pasanganku

Bila sedih, aku cari......mak

Bila berjaya, aku ceritakan pada....pasanganku

Bila gagal, aku ceritakan pada....mak

Bila bahagia, aku peluk erat....pasanganku

Bila berduka, aku peluk erat....emakku

Bila nak bercuti, aku bawa....pasanganku

Bila sibuk, aku hantar anak ke rumah.....mak

Bila sambut valentine... Aku bagi hadiah pada pasanganku

Bila sambut hari ibu...aku cuma dapat ucapkan "Selamat Hari Ibu"

Selalu.. aku ingat pasanganku

Selalu.. mak ingat kat aku

Bila-bila... aku akan talipon pasanganku

Entah bila... aku nak talipon mak

Selalu....aku belikan hadiah untuk pasanganku

Entah bila... aku nak belikan hadiah untuk emak

Renungkan:Kalau kau sudah habis belajar dan berkerja...bolehkah kau kirim wang untuk mak?mak bukan nak banyak... lima puluh ringgit sebulan pun cukuplah"...Berderai air mata jika kita mendengarnya........Tapi kalau mak sudah tiada.....MAKKKKK...RINDU MAK..... RINDU SANGAT....

Berapa ramai yang sanggup menyuapkan ibunya....

berapa ramai yang sanggup mencuci muntah ibunya.....

berapa ramai yang sanggup mengantikan lampin ibunya......

berapa ramai yang sanggup membersihkan najis ibunya.......

berapa ramai yang sanggup membuang ulat dan membersihkan luka kudis ibunya....

berapa ramai yang sanggup berhenti kerja untuk menjaga ibunya.....dan akhir sekali berapa ramai yang sembahyang JENAZAH ibunya......

Everyday is a Mother's Day

Everyday is a Mother's Day.



I opened a link thru my teacher's blog, and it's about a boy named Fikri jaafar who lost his Mum and a sister in a car accident near LRT Jelatek last 2nd of May. This news touches my heart and made me realized that i always put my mum on granted. When i have chance to be with my mum i never realized that. Not that i don't love my mum, but, it's how i treated her. Now, i would say Alhamdulillah that i still have a mum and i love her so much. I love my family and i would die to protect my family. Here's a video i received a link from my friend thru facebook and i would like to dedicate this to my beloved mum and all mom all over the world. I LOVE YOU MUM.

23 Mohd.

it took me so long to do this but i finally did. Last 20th March was my brother's birthday ( Mohd Shazuan). I remembered and really wish i could call but due to lackness on ISD,so i refuse to. But i'll dedicate this post for him as he is not big and 23 years old. People used to said, 'One year older, and one year smarter." I wish him that too.

2nd Mohd 20 years difference

Actually, there's one thing i cried about was, the note he wrote in Facebook and it touched me and make me realized that we are siblings and will always be. Having a thought of the past of what came across between us, the quarelling, the fight and stuff,it makes me feel so childish. Deep in my heart i love my sibling and hate it when we fight. I still remember the day when he fight with the first Mohd like real fight and my father have to calm them down. I was pissed off looking at them because they dragged my father into the fight and knowing my father having hypertension and heart disease. After the scene, my heart filled with lots of hatred towards him.   

I really wish all those past won't be back in our home. He wrote that he wants to be better person and Wan, i know mum and dad always love you the most because of who you are. Happy Birthday! May Allah Bless you.

1 litre of tears.

it's not a movie but what had happen to me.

Last week was a busy and hectic week.

Plus, being apart from family is kinda give me a pressure added with first monthly test.

I was mentally unstable last week and i felt bad about it. 

the story is,me and K were not talking to N and B.

i've been telling A about this and he comfort me,since he's the one i can trust and the one who i lend the sholder to cry on. i din expect that N and B also need to be comfort,so they went to Sreeram to ask what's going on.FYI,we've been not talking for almost 5 days. At first, i thought it was nothing and i'm ignoring it. But,on monday,  people were starting to talk all those stuff and that makes me feel really bad and i gain my strength to confront them,but K was not really ready. I waited. But then, K was ready because of something came up. I called Kak Sha and ask her how do i deal with that. She comfort me while i'm crying. She is such a wonderful sister who always be there whenever i'm in need. Then, we settle all those problem with N and B.

Then after settle all those stuff we all were ok back as usual, but new thing came up and i kinda like it since at least there's people being honest with me and i really appreciate it even tough it's hard to swollow it. It's about the older people who really interested to interfere all those minor part of our batch in IMS. Not that i'm suggesting that senior are NOT important but there are limitation on what they are trying to interfere. All those in the past,what happened in Mais, they know all the details. I mean,what's the point they wanted to know all those stuff? to humiliate us or shall i say our batch? to humiliate some particular people that were the subject of the story?

and even what we wear also is an issue and i'm one of the affected, so what the hell...i wanna make things clear here..JUST BECAUSE WHAT WE WEAR IS IN FASHION,WHY YOU CARE SO MUCH..GO AND READ VOGUE PEOPLE, THEN ONLY YOU CAN COMMENT US.

Even commoner knows how to dress up,so save it for yourself. i just hate to cry on all these stuff but hearing this hurts my feeling. those people whoever said that i hope you can consider back what have you done.  WE ARE NOT THE FASHION VICTIM,BUT YOU ARE!

I've been crying alot this few days and i realize that, being apart from my mother and father. Being far away oversea from all my siblings made me realized that i have no one here and all i have is my friends,my housemates, and they all i've got here. they are like my family here. they are where i can lend their sholuder to cry on, they are all i have when i'm in trouble. they all i have to laugh with and i realized that i cant live here without them. I'm Sorry of my sensitivity,fragility, and 'merajukness',but i'm still who i am,i try to be the best person in same time but i do have limitation. I'm tired. Really tired. hope i'll get over this. and I don't want to cry on those minor things. I want to be strong. I can't stand to cry anymore. Thanks to Kak Sha for being such a wonderful sister. Thanks also to all my friends in this batch. I'll save this 1 litre of tears....

Lots of Love,

Kozac 

p/s: i'm sorry for the word that kinda harsh and sorry if anyone felt offended.

a dedication to my family

hello guys,

this sounds odd but i think it's the right thing to do to relief my homesickenss.

FAMILY.

I believe that family is a single piece that holds the puzzle of life together and i have to clarify that what constitutes the family is more than blood related. i live in a small family of 5. The 5 is more than perfect for me. I've been in India now for 1 and half months now and started to feel that i'm away far from the other 4. From the previous post i've mention that i missed them that are,a mother and father of 3 Mohd,Shakir and Shazuan. I'm not good to tell this on phone so i spill it out here in this blog.

to mum and dad.

how can i tell this. It's shamefull to tell here, but feeling can't hide. Yesterday i was in a bad mood and one of the reason was because i miss both of so much. I just don't know why this feelings keep haunting me but that was i felt. I miss those times you yelled at me for not doing the right thing. I missed all the food that you cook for me. I missed the time that you asked me what to eat when i came back from Shah Alam so that dad can go and prepare the thing. i missed the time you asked me a lot of favor to clean the house and tidy up your room. I missed those tme you asked me to dressed you up before leaving on special occasion. i missed the time when i

 'merajuk' with you and dad for not buying the thing that i want.i missed the time when you both are worried that i went back with shakir late at night. i missed being beside mum and dad everyday so that i could see mum's and dad's bright shiny face that cheers me up everyday since i was born till now.Mum and dad i still need you blessing and support till forever even though that i'm all the way far in India. i love mum and dad so much. I felt so lucky to have you while some of there have no mum or dad.

to the two Mohd.

yeah have to admit that you two are my brother and i love you guys so much even though we've been thru a lot of not-knowing-reason of fighting. it hard to believe that i finally hit the roof of my homesickness and finally have to admit that how important you guys in my life. as for both of you i missed the time that we all used to fight cause of a lot of reason. Sometime wan and me against shakir. me and akir against wan. those fight haunting my mind and make me feel so far away from u guys. Just so you both know, i actually missed you both so much and afterall you guys are my brothers. I missed the time that i drove shakir's car. i missed the time i drove and wan scolded me for not being careful. i missed the time i beg shakir for letting me drive his car. i missed the time shazuan asked my to treat him. i missed the time where we used to fight bout tees.i missed you both that we could have a real great time living together as brothers.

i just wanted to tell that i missed you guys sooooooo much and trying my best here to study as my exam is almost near. i missed you all and i LOVE you all so much.